The frustrating, heartbreaking and (sometimes) hilarious story of one fertility-challenged couple's journey to become parents, told through the eyes of a husband
Almost There…
Greetings blogosphere,
I owe you a massive apology. Or, more accurately, I owe the readers of this little endeavor an apology. As I look at my site, I see the last post I wrote was on Valentines Day.
On my “to do” list every week for the last two months has been an item that says UPDATE YOUR DARN BLOG MEATHEAD!
V DAY
So, there’s V day, your traditional Valentines Day
There’s VE day or VJ day, depending on which particular WW2 theater you’re talking about
There’s that V-Day, 5th of november “Guy Fawkes Day” if you’re English
This year, there’s even a V Day 2013 global movement to prevent violence against women.
And, if you were a kid like me in the early 80’s, there’s something to be said for a V day where aliens came down from space and pretended to be our friends but were, in reality, reptiles that just wanted to eat humans
Okay, so the point here is… there’s a lot of different “V DAYS” out there.
Mandy and I had our own special “V Day” this weekend.
First off, on saturday we celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary - that would be the “V” anniversary for those of you schooled in the ins and outs of roman numeral-ing.
On Saturday, we also celebrated “Viability Day” for our little man.
Viability day is the 24th week of pregnancy. At 24 weeks, if a baby is born, it has a higher chance of survival and doctors will make every effort to save the baby. Before that, I am told, doctors don’t give a premature baby much chance of survival.
So, that’s two milestones in one weekend - the anniversary, and one more little (but important) benchmark as we take what was one just a little ole embryo just another week closer to becoming a real live boy.
Thanks for all the well wishes… for our combo anniversary and V-day!
It’s Been a While…
Greetings,
When I logged on a few minutes ago, I looked at the date of my last post. Wow… December 17th. More than a month ago.
My apologies. Between the new job and the holidays time has flown.
I have nothing but good news to report. Mandy is at 22 weeks and every time we go to the doctor, they say everything is “perfect.” I can’t tell you what a great feeling it is to keep getting positive news.
Let’s see… since I last checked in
Well, we have triple confirmed it. We are, indeed, having a boy.
And, we even have a name. After MUCH discussion, we are going with Steven Joseph. Steven, after Mandy’s father. Joseph, well, it’s my middle name and a name that’s popular in both our families. (Grandfathers, aunts, uncles, etc all over the place.)
So… with a little luck… Steve Chandler will enter the world on or about June 1st.
I promise, I’ll update again soon!
Bill to Provide Fertility Treatment to Veterans Passes Senate
Major step toward making IVF easier and less expensive to access for those folks who serve our country.
It’s A… BOY!
Dear readers,
I’ve got something to share with you.
Some big news in the form of a tiny baby pecker!
Yes, that’s right, there is now undeniable, high defection black and white photographic proof that baby Chandler is going to be a boy.
Mandy and I have been sitting on this news for several weeks. The reason is, we were not 100 percent certain on the male gender.
We went in for her NT scan the day before thanksgiving. The nurse (who does this sort of thing all day long) looked at the picture 10 different ways. She swore it was a boy. She all but guaranteed it. But, she also said, we would have to wait a few weeks to confirm it, 100 percent.
So, ever since Thanksgiving, we’ve sat on this news, wondering if the boy determination would stick, or if we would get a big surprise.
This morning we roll into the office and the nurse fires up the monitor. She starts looking… nothing. Still looking… nothing. She starts to say, “well, maybe it is a girl.”
Then, boom, baby boy parts… on the monitor!
Done deal… we’re going to have a boy.
Needless to say, Mandy and I are both very, very excited.
We are already deep into the name negotiation, er, um… I mean, “conversation.”
Both of us like the idea of, perhaps, using some combination of family names.
I should point out that my first two attempts at using these family names were not met with a lot of positive feedback. (by “not a lot of positive feedback” I mean, angry stares and Mandy questioning my intelligence and commitment to “be serious” during the naming process)
For example…
Mandy’s mom’s maiden name is Morris. So, I suggested “Zach Morris Chandler.” Genius, right? No dice…
Mandy’s father’s name is Steve. My brother’s name is Tyler. “So, I suggested Steven Tyler Chandler.” Again, genius. I mean, you name a kid Steven Tyler, you might as well go buy him a guitar and see if you can get a early bird discount on rehab.
Once again…no love from my wife.
So, back to the drawing board. I’m sure we’ll come up with something!
For now, we are just loving life and looking forward to the next few months.
Payin' It Forward
Friends,
Let me start by saying that Mandy and I have been overwhelmed by the amount of support and encouragement we have received from family, friends and wonderful people we’ve connected with via the good ole internet since we decided to put our efforts to start a family online in the form of this blog.
We are now in week 13. Mandy is doing great. With a little luck, sometime around June 1st we’re going to have an actual baby. (it actually feels strange to even type those words). This week, our specialists in Denver actually concluded their treatment. We were officially “handed off” full time to a regular baby doctor. We are finally “Normal.” (Note: normal in pregnancy terms. not sure i can declare myself norma in all other areas.)
As we get ready to welcome baby Chandler to the world, I am mindful that there are so many people out there who are still struggling to conceive — people who are, perhaps, right where Mandy and I were, a year or two ago.
The experience of being “fertility challenged” has changed my life, plain and simple. I feel compelled to do what I can to help educate as many people as I can about the challenges of infertility… and to do what I can to make it easier (even just a little bit easier) for people to have families via IVF and other treatments.
So, today, I want to use this blog post to ask for your help in doing that.
The wonderful team at RESOLVE (The national infertility association) is calling on Congress to support two bills that could make a HUGE difference in the lives of people trying to start families. You can read more about them here: www.resolve.org/get-involved/congressional-call-week-2012.html
Basically, the “ask” here is to keep the adoption tax credit that currently exists for people who choose to adopt a child. (It’s like 15k per year)
Then, the “second ask” is to extend that same tax credit to cover infertility procedures for people who are struggling to conceive.
If you’ve read this blog (heck, or talked for five minutes to anyone who has had to do a fertility procedure) you know that IVF and the other various infertility treatments can be MASSIVELY expensive and ARE NOT, for the most part, covered by insurance.
A tax credit isn’t going to cover anywhere near all of the expenses. But, it will help a whole lot.
So, as you wrap up your week, if you have 5-10 minutes to spare, i’d ask that you click on the link above and follow the instructions for contacting your member of the House and two U.S. Senators.
Just tell them you have friends named Carson and Mandy who have spent an inordinate amount of money and time struggling to have a family. And, tell them you want to make it just a little bit easier for the next “Mandy and Carson”
It’s real easy, I promise.
Thank you very much for taking the time to read this today.
Carson
Of Baseball (Cards) and Baby Heartbeats
The year was 1987. I was eleven years old. I was REALLY into baseball.
When you were that age in 1987 and you were into baseball… it meant, more than likely, you were into baseball cards. (At least that’s the way it worked in my neighborhood)
Another Week Down… Another Good Ultrasound
I will say this: After waiting so long to get the BFP (for those of you non conversant in the language of the fertility-challenged, that means “big, fat positive” pregnancy test) — time feels like it… has… slowed… to… a… crawl.
Mandy is approaching week 10. We are getting ever closer to the mythical “safe zone” of week 12.
Earlier this week, she went in for her first appointment with an OB. You know, an actual, for real, baby doctor… NOT a reproductive endocrinologist. Once again, a medical professional is telling us that everything looks “perfect.”
It’s sort of surreal to have everything going so well, after three years of crappy luck. So, i am spending most of my time knocking on the ole proverbial wood and hoping we can keep this thing going.
A couple nice folks have written in and asked why I haven’t been updating as much. Part of the reason is, there’s just not much to update. We are waiting… baby is growing.
The other reason is that I’m knee deep in a brand new job. Many of you know that I spent the last 5 and a half years working for the Mayor of Orlando. I’ve recently left my position at the City to take a position in the private sector as a partner at an Orlando-based public affairs firm.
While I was certainly sad to leave City Hall - the new gig was a tremendous opportunity. So, after some discussion with my wife, we decided that if we were going to get a new house and have a baby in the same calendar year… we might as well up the difficulty level as much as possible and have me take on a new job!
It has been great so far. I’m still doing lots of work with cities and local governments.
I am still planning on doing some volunteer work to help support RESOLVE (The national infertility association) push Congress to adopt a measure that would extend the tax credit that exists for people who adopt children… to those who undergo treatments related to fertility. (You know, AFTER the presidential election)
So… it’s a busy time here in our household… even though time still feels like it’s dragging on.
Hearing A Heartbeat
It has been a pretty big day here in the Chandler household.
This morning, Mandy and I went to see our local fertility doctor for an ultrasound.
If you read my previous post, then you know that we had quite the scare at the beginning of the month. Even though we have been assured, post-scare, that everything is okay (and that Mandy was not experiencing a miscarriage back on Oct 6th) — it has still been a very long two weeks since our last ultrasound appointment. It has been two weeks of trying to stay busy while continuing to hope that everything is alright.
As it turns out… everything is “perfect.” (The doctors words, not mine)
Today’s ultrasound (see picture) showed everything was moving along just as it should be.
For the first time, Mandy I were actually able to hear a heartbeat. (A healthy 167 beats per minute, no less).
I must tell you, I had not thought that actually hearing a heartbeat would be such an emotional experience. Yet, there we were in the exam room, telling the doctor, “I can’t believe this actually worked.” For lack of a better descriptor… it was pretty damn awesome.
Of course, our local doctor could not have been nicer. Ditto for the staff.
Remember, these are medical professionals who have ridden along with us every step of the way for more than 3 years now. These, the local staff, were all around for all five of our failed IVF attempts and both miscarriages. They are the same folks who know us when we walk in the door and say, “no need to sign in, we got ya!” They are the ones doing our monitoring and testing – even though the actual IVF was done by folks out in Denver.
So, in a lot of ways, we got to share this really wonderful day with a few of them. Our long-time nurse even made us wait until she was done with a patient so she could come in and give Mandy a hug.
I’m not sure I will believe this is actually happening until I am holding a live human being. But, all is right for now.
This day is a major benchmark for another reason. Our next doctor appointment will NOT be with a reproductive endocrinologist. Nope… it will be with a regular OB… just like the majority of the population. That will happen next week.
In the meantime, it’s finally time to do at least a mini-celebration. Hmmm… where could we celebrate?
How about the world’s largest outdoor cocktail party? Yes, that’s right, tomorrow we’ll head to Jacksonville for the Florida/Georgia game.
My wife won’t be able to participate in the cocktail portion of the “world’s largest outdoor cocktail party,” but she’s not complaining! We’re looking forward to seeing a ton of family and good friends and sharing our god news.
Once again, thanks to everyone for all of the kind words and for checking in on us!
Go Gators! And… I’ll update again, soon.
The Last 5 Days…
The Big Game
Are you familiar with the term emotional rollercoaster?
Well… the last five days have been a whole emotional theme park for Mandy and I.
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